Spirit Guide
by Robias
Summary: Hikaru goes to a medium to get closure, once and for all. As an act of trust, he brings Touya with him, but that only leaves his rival an lover more confused than ever. Hikaru/Akira.


Word count: around 2000

Genre: general

Rating: worksafe

Note: Re-posted, but not re-written. Apologies if the changes in my writing style since I wrote this.

* * *

"You have travelled a long road in a relatively short time."

The raspy voice of the spirit guide reaches Touya Akira's ears, and he glances up at her, frowning. He's fighting hard against the urges to just stand up and leave the room – this is absolutely _ridiculous _– but the feel of Hikaru's sweaty palm on his hand makes impossible for him to do so.

He hasn't been able to see the woman's eyes at all through the darkened room and the shawl she wears over her face. He finds this disturbing. He likes to be able to see his opponent's eyes, to read the feelings he sees there. It's an important part of any game, it makes the two players equals, shows their trust.

He does not trust this person.

But it seems like Hikaru does that. The young man's hand tightens around his own, and he leans forward slightly, his eyes fixed on the woman, his whole frame tense. He's going to complain about the pain in his back later, Akira just knows it. And guess who's going to have to be the one to waste time giving him a massage?

He stifles an annoyed sigh.

"You have had an excellent guide on your journey. A teacher and a friend."

Akira's hand has almost gone numb in Hikaru's iron-grip now.

"Who…" The spirit guide pauses, and Akira has the feeling that she is surprised. Obviously she's puzzled by the mystery that is Shindou Hikaru, his long time valued rival. Everybody reacts the same way.

"Who was not of this world." She pauses, raising her head, Akira can tell that she's definitely looking straight at Hikaru; it's easy to interpret even through the shawl. "…this is not a simple search for a deceased friend, is it, young man?"

"N-no." Hikaru's voice is hesitant, rough, and Akira turns his eyes to him. He's surprised to see tears in his lover's eyes, tears that seems to be caused by more that just the smoky air in the room. His brow furrows. Maybe there is something more to this so-called spirit guide than he thought, it most certainly seems like that, when what she says affects Hikaru this deeply.

"He is not with you any more."

"No…" Akira's hand is beginning to ache, and he wriggles his fingers a little. Hikaru jolts, and releases his death grip on him, sending him an apologetic look. "He left me."

"His time had come." The woman is looking down into the bowl with water yet again, her hand reaching for another fist of sand. Slowly, she lets it slip into the fluid. "But you have not forgiven yourself. You are anxious about the lack of a goodbye. You are wondering if he was angry… no, disappointed. You are afraid that he was disappointed with you."

"Yes…" Hikaru whispers. "I… I had treated him badly. I had not let him play when he wanted to. Even though he asked me many times."

Akira's mouth is hanging open by now. This is all so absurd. He doesn't believe in ghosts, or spirits. Hell, he's not even sure he even believes the afterlife at all! The thought of someone coming back after death, living on even though their body, the only part of them that allows them to be in the world of the living, has disappeared a long time ago is completely ridiculous.

And the thought of someone being able to _communicate _with those ghosts is even more bizarre.

And yet here he is, listening to his lover as he speaks to a complete stranger about something that he hasn't ever voice to anyone else in his entire life before – not even to him!

He had no logical explanation to all this.

"Rest assured, young man," the spirit guide murmurs. "He was not. He knew that it was his time, and he had made the conclusions he needed to."

"What conclusions?"

Akira isn't certain, but he thinks that he can see the woman's mouth grow thin with dislike at the blurted out question. They sit in silent for a while, and Akira can hear Hikaru's breathing growing fast and shallow with anticipation.

"I have been allowed to answer your question," she finally says. His lover nods, hanging on to every word that comes out of her mouth. Beside him, Akira also feels his stomach tighten. He understands now that by bringing him with him, Hikaru has showed him just how much he actually trusts him, even when he doesn't trust himself. Akira is his anchor, his stability, as he remembers things that has pained him for Kami knows how long.

It makes him feel slightly dizzy, and deliriously happy in a way that the smoke alone can't be the cause of, no matter what sort of drugs are in it.

"Your teacher had realized that he did not need to keep living on to live on," she says, and her voice is soft in a way that tells them that she is smiling.

"I… I don't really understand," Hikaru says slowly.

She sighs. "I'm sorry, young man. I can not tell you any more. He is silent now; he obviously thinks that he has given you answer enough to give your mind peace."

Hikaru looks at her for a moment, searching. Akira sits silent, holding his lover's hand, waiting. Finally, Hikaru sighs, and nods.

"Thank you," he says. She bows, and they bow back, and then they're leaving. Finally; he longs so much for the fresh air outside that he doesn't know what to do with himself.

Akira tries to talk to Hikaru several times in the car, but the other young man is just staring out the window, stubbornly refusing to answer. In the end, Akira admits his defeat, and they sit in silence the rest of the way home.

* * *

Two days passes before Hikaru seems to be back to himself. He has not gone to any of his matches, nor his study lessons, and people has begun to become worried, asking Akira if he knows what is wrong with the other Pro, if this is going to be the same thing as five years ago, when Hikaru disappeared completely from the world of Go for two whole months.

Akira answers honestly, as always, that he doesn't know.

Thus, is makes him more that happy when he comes home one day, finding Hikaru by the Go-board in their living room, waiting for him, a smile on his face and a half played game in front of him.

"Akira! Hurry up, come!" he yells eagerly, waving. "You play black, and I'll be white. It's my move."

Akira sits down, slowly, his gaze travelling over the board. His eyes narrows as he immediately recognises the playing style of both the players.

"Who's game is this?" he asks silently, not needing to looking up to know that Hikaru is biting his lip in hesitation. Even after the meeting with the spirit guide, which obviously was meant to be a try to start explaining things to Akira, he seems to have problems with talking about it.

"It's mine and Sai's," he finally answers, and the honest answer is much appreciated even though they both know that Akira already knew it. "Our last game. Before he disappeared."

Akira looks at him, searching his face for those signs of unease that always are there when this subject is brought up. They are there, but they are not as obvious as they used to me. He can only come to the conclusion that Hikaru has found some kind of answer.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Hikaru smiles. "After the game. I want to finish this game first."

"And I'm playing as you? Am I supposed to try and copy your style, then?" Akira asks and raises an eyebrow.

"No, no. I want you to play as you always do," his lover answers quickly. Akira nods, and Hikaru picks up a stone. "I've realized what he meant. That he 'didn't have to keep living on to live on', or what it was she said."

He puts down the stone. _Clack._

"Oh?" Akira scans the board carefully, calculates the next move, and the move after that. He can see where the game was heading with Hikaru and…and Sai (it is still hard for him to understand, even though he's known this deep down for a long time now). But with a different player than the original one, and switching places, the outcome will probably be different.

He needs to discover a pattern that can catch Hikaru - who's hopefully still thinking in the same direction as the last time he played this game - off guard.

"Yeah." There! Akira picks up a stone and stretches his hand over the board. _Clack. _

"Want to tell me?"

Hikaru is silent for a while, concentrating on the game. Then, as he picks up his next stone, his hand pauses for a moment, and Akira raises his head to lock gazes with him. His smile is wide, happy and relieved, and honest, and everything that he loves with this man is so obvious is it that it makes his heart clench.

"'I don't need to keep on living, because my Go will live on in you, and in everybody that you play'," he says, straightening his back proudly. "He let me inherit his Go, and he trusts me to take it with me into the ages he can't reach. That is what he meant."

Akira stares at him. He knows that he can not fully understand Hikaru's joy, his relief, but he can understand his pride. The pride of being trusted so fully by a teacher, and a friend, to continue to learn and make him proud. That he can understand, and he nods.

"I'm sure that you'll succeed with that," he says, and Hikaru beams at him. Then, the next moment, his gaze hardens, and he allows his hand to swish down through the air, smacking the stone down on the board, hard, and Akira find himself flinching despite himself. He blinks, looking down on the board, taking in the new stone's position.

Smirking, he meets Hikaru's challenging eyes, and reaches for a stone of his own. He knows that he probably doesn't know half of the story yet, but he feels like he is closer to solving the mystery that is Shindou Hikaru than ever.

And one thing he's completely certain of; mystery or no mystery, Go with Hikaru will never cease to be interesting.


End file.
